Caring For Your Aging Loved Once From a Distance
In Canada, there are more than 8 million informal caregivers offering unpaid assistance and support to older family members and friends facing myriad health conditions. It’s never an easy job to take on this significant role of a caregiver for your aging parents or other loved ones.
Now, imagine trying to help them remotely. 
A 2018 study found that most Canadian caregivers are providing their loved ones with support – either financial or social – from afar. About 72 percent of respondents said they live three hours or more by car from the loved one they’re caring for.
As your parents’ age, it’s not easy when the roles reverse, and you find yourself becoming their caregiver. From managing their financial and medical needs to assisting with tasks around their homes, providing them with the care they need to live comfortably and safely can be a lot of work, especially when you have your own life to manage.
It’s a difficult role to take on even when you live in the same household as your parents or just a short drive away. Remote caregivers, however, are more likely to report emotional distress compared to those living with or near the loved ones they’re caring for. There’s also more of a financial strain on long-distance caregivers who incur travel costs to visit and check in on their loved ones or who might have to hire a third party to help when they can’t physically be there.
As you navigate this role of remote caregiving, here are some tips that might lighten your load and make it easier for you to help your parents when you can’t be there.
Don’t Shy Away from the Important Conversations.
As the dynamic of your relationship changes with your aging parents, you might be inclined to avoid hard conversations. Topics like housing, finances, and their medical needs can leave you both feeling vulnerable and uneasy. But broaching these difficult topics will allow you to lay the foundation for efficient and impactful long-distance caregiving. If possible, have these conversations in person and listen actively and without judgment. You want your parents to feel like they can speak to you openly and truthfully so you can work together to make the best decisions for them.
Stay in Touch
When you’re living far from your parents, staying in touch is key to remote caregiving work. You need to stay connected, so your parents know that you’re engaged in their lives and will be there for them. By speaking with them regularly, you’ll also be able to recognize early signs of cognitive decline and other issues.
Call them regularly, setting times in advance to speak with them every week or even daily. You might consider checking in with them daily with a short call and setting aside time for a lengthier conversation once a week. Modern technology provides many alternative ways to stay in touch, as well. You can set up video calls or chat using social media or text messaging.
Plan Your Visits in Advance
If your visits to your parents are limited because you need to travel to see them in person, then you’ll want to make the most of that time you have together. Before each visit, determine what you want to accomplish when you see them. Are there any family events to attend with them? Do they need new hearing aids? Do they have any critical medical procedures to plan for? Or are there jobs that need to be done around their home, like cleaning the gutters or organizing their garage? Understand what needs to get done while you’re visiting so you can plan your time accordingly and be as productive as possible.
Help Your Parents Create a Local Support Network
While caring for your parents from afar, it’s vital to help your parents create a local support system and for you to also know who these people and organizations are, as well. Having a robust social support network, either through community groups, volunteer work, or regularly visiting their friends and family, can vastly improve your parents’ mental and cognitive health. As a family, decide who your parents might call in an emergency if you can’t get to them. And don’t be afraid to reach out to other friends and family members who live nearby to see how your parents are doing. They might be able to provide valuable insight into your parents’ needs.
Encourage Your Parents to Develop Hobbies
When aging adults have hobbies and activities they enjoy doing, this can vastly improve their lifestyle. Encourage your parents to develop their interests – whether it’s cooking, taking walks in nature, playing games, or anything in between – for a more enriched and fulfilling life. When you find your parents have not been engaging in hobbies or interests, ask them questions or to tell you a story about their interests to spark their joy and encourage them to find others who share their interests.
Know Your Parents’ Health Care Professionals
As your parent’s age, they’re more likely to face various health issues. It’s essential to get on the same page as them regarding their care and also for you to get to know their doctors and specialists. In Canada, you can become a healthcare proxy for them, allowing you to make medical decisions for them and access their health records
Address Safety Concerns
Assess your parents’ home for any safety issues. Check for fire hazards and install a security system you can access remotely, if possible. Also, consider your parents’ medical needs and make adjustments to their home, as necessary. For instance, if they’re having mobility issues, you might need to upgrade their bathroom and other areas of the house, or you might want to reconsider the placement of their furniture to make it easy for them to navigate their living space.
Be Prepared to Travel When Needed
With long-distance caregiving comes the understanding that if your parents face a medical emergency, you’ll need to drop everything and go to them. Planning – such as organizing childcare options, having your passport and important documents ready to go, or talking to your employer in advance about your parents’ potential needs – can make these emergency trips easier. And remember, through Canada’s Employment Insurance Act, there are financial benefits and social services in place for those who need to be away from work temporarily to provide care for a loved one.
Make Time for Yourself
According to the Canadian Institute for Health Information, about one-third of Canadian caregivers say they’re distressed. It’s a challenging, and at times emotionally draining role, but one that’s so vitally important to your loved ones and the country’s health care system. So, before you burn out, take some time to relax or have fun.
The same goes for when you visit them, take the time to see other friends and family members, or generally have some downtime.
Find a Trustworthy Third Party to Help When You Can’t Be There
Whether you need to hire in-home medical care, a repairperson, or are simply looking for someone to run errands or do odd jobs for your parents, having trusted individuals you can rely on to help your family can be a life-saver. If your parents have ongoing medical needs, in-home health care providers can help them live comfortably and safely in their own homes. And having a trustworthy repair person or other service professionals on speed dial will be useful when an emergency happens, like a pipe bursting or an electrical short. Keep these numbers written in a place that’s easy to access.
Get a Little Help From a Friend
When you can’t be there to care for your parent’s day-to-day needs, you can find peace of mind knowing that the Tuktu network is there to help. No matter where you are in the world, you can access our network of neighbors who live near your aging loved ones. From the app, you simply choose the perfect person to lend a hand, and they won’t be a stranger to you. You’ll know exactly who is coming to your parent’s home – and take comfort in knowing that they are there to help when you can’t be.
From a ride to the doctor or a grocery store stop on a rainy day, Tuktus are available no matter the weather. Just open our easy-to-use app and a kind neighbor you know will be on the way.
